And she expressed determination to face her demons and keep her commitments. She was grateful to know there would be no shame in backing out. I offered to release her from her commitment to co-author the new edition. We then had a very honest problem-solving discussion. She also shared, without using it as an excuse, how overwhelming her schedule was in the midst of product launches, COVID challenges, and the rest of life. She was vulnerable, human, and responsible. She owned what was going on and shared how intimidating it was to write for the first time in this way, and in a book that had already sold millions of copies. Rather than coming in blaming or with judgments, I simply described what had been happening for a couple of months and tried to Make It Safe for her to tell me what was really going on.Īnd she did. So, I reached out to Emily and asked to schedule time together to examine the pattern. I was repeatedly holding Content conversations (about missed deadlines) when it was clear this was a Pattern issue. Second, I recognized the need to Unbundle with CPR. It was easy to remind myself that this was NOT Emily. I acknowledge the temptation to tell this story and exerted effort to hold it tentatively while opening myself to other possible explanations. I’ve got my own life wounds that incline me in moments like this to feel disrespected or picked on. First, I had to work consciously to Master My Story. Now if you’re a student of Crucial Conversations, you’ll appreciate how I had to draw on every single skill we teach to respond to this situation. I’d either get no response, or a vague apology and commitment to get it done. Not only did she miss a couple of commitments to get chapters turned around to me, she also became difficult to communicate with. When we set up a writing schedule a year ago, all was going along swimmingly until a few months in when Emily started missing deadlines. With permission from Emily, I’ll share my side of the story to demonstrate that these skills are not just a professional interest for Emily and me, for our work is intensely personal. I have watched her for twenty years hold others accountable, examine and improve her own habits, and learn to influence our ever-growing employee population.īut if you want a voyeuristic peek into our writing experience together, I’d have to acknowledge there was at least one Crucial Conversation. She relentlessly examines herself for ways she can become a better person. Since Kerry, Al and Ron have retired, the work fell completely to Emily and me.įor the most part, working with Emily in this new way was a joy. But there were surprisingly few in writing the third edition. Sometimes it’s asked with a voyeuristic fascination, as though the unstated question is, “Were there some knock-down, drag-out fights along the way?” The truth is it took a lot of Crucial Conversations to write Crucial Conversations. People often ask what it was like to write Crucial Conversations with four authors.
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